Gibungolan, Inc.
(December 15, 2003)

I'VE never heard Fred Gapuz laugh the way he did when a fellow "victim" told him: "Welcome to the club!"
Manong Fred, erstwhile lawyer of Dongkoy Emano, was still hurting from his much publicized breakup with the Cagayan de Oro mayor but he needed a good laugh--laughter being the best medicine. His daughter Catherine, perhaps the one who was the most affected by the display of the client's stylemark boorishness at the Sandiganbayan two weeks ago, needs a good laugh, too.

I can't imagine this respected lawyer being treated like he didn't exist. Imagine lawyering for someone and not being looked at by your client for hours. Imagine your client--a close friend at that--not speaking to you for reasons you know nothing about. And imagine your client-friend making your other friends and panero do the same thing. Worse, the only time you get to hear a message from your client-friend is when he sends another friend to ask you to quantify your services so he could pay you. I can understand how Manong Fred felt. He took all the insult and rejection from the airport to the Sandiganbayan. And I can understand how the emotionally battered man found himself calling his eldest child from Manila--he needed a shoulder and someone to talk to!

Children are fond of doing this. A child quarrels with a friend. So he snubs his friend. He also expects his other friends to snub the other child. Anyone seen talking or playing with the other child automatically becomes an "enemy". As an "enemy", you lose the privilege of playing with the group or of being allowed to enter their houses or of borrowing their toys. Your status as an enemy remains until you kiss and make up. When children do this, it's kids' stuff. But when an adult--a sixty-something--does this, it's not being childish. Either the grownup is really, really insecure or is sick in the head. It's not "wala sa mood". It's topak.

I say Manong Fred, with a little help from Cathy, should organize a club called Asosasyon sa mga Nahigmatang Higala ni Dongkoy (no relation to Manny Jaudian, Jerry Pacuribot, Roy Raagas and Bob Ocio's Pagmata, Cagayan de Oro). Or Manong Fred can simply call the group "Gibungolan, Inc." to make the name a bit catchy and crispy. Manong Fred, being the most prominent victim of mayoral uncouthness in Cagayan de Oro, can chair Gibungolan, Inc.

Gibungolan, Inc. should be non-partisan. Neither should it be anti-Emano--that is, if it wants other victims to come forward and become Gibungolan members. Rather than campaign against a continued Emano mayorship, Gibungolan, Inc. should be doing advocacy work. The club can be an advocate for good manners and right conduct as well as stand for people, especially the lowly, who were and are being treated like bums by the rich and mighty.

In these times of moral decadence, it's high time that concerned citizens organize a group like Gibungolan, Inc.. Gibungolan, Inc. can have a train-the-trainers program and sponsor seminars aimed at promoting good manners and right conduct, things that many of our children no longer hear from parents--or even from grandparents--these days.

A group like Gibungolan, Inc. should be telling parents about the need to teach their children how to treat other people like equals regardless of their standing in the political or social ladder. Sadly, many of our children today are ill-bred, insensitive and have absolutely no respect whatsoever for other people because the new generation of parents have either forgotten or have not even heard about any of the good old-fashioned values of our ancestors. That we have in our midst today a grownup who behaves like a good-for-nothing, uncouth boor who doesn't mind his manners, is the result of the failure of a lot of parents to pass on to their kids these Filipino values.

The town of Tagoloan may be the best place to pilot-test Gibungolan, Inc.'s advocacy program.
For starters, the club can begin by forming a core group of people who, like Manong Fred, have been trampled on or are still struggling to brave out the kind of inelegance in city hall.

Gibungolan, Inc. can have three membership classifications--regular, associate and honorary.
Regular members are those who found themselves waking up one day and saying to themselves: "Enough is enough. I will not be treated like chicken dung!"--especially if the tyrant sounds and looks like popular voice actor Ben David of the Gabi ng Lagim fame of the early '80s.

Associate members are those who allow this diabetic (he consumes an average of four pellets of Equal sweetener for every cup of coffee) to rob them everyday of their self-esteem in exchange for you-supply-the-word.

And honorary members are those who can't seem to make up their mind about what action to take vis-a -vis this Neanderthal attribute. Someone who never became a "flavor of the month" but became sick due to this severe shortage of civility in city hall can apply as an honorary member.

I admire Manong Fred for his forbearance. He was able to withstand this unspeakable uncouthness for 31 long years.

Pastilan.
***
Veteran broadcaster Sandy Bas, manager of a local radio station, needs to reexamine his conscience and motives.

On Friday afternoon, he haphazardly labeled Gold Star Daily's banner story a "lie". The story by Nilo Abroguena quoted Manong Fred as saying that the political crisis now gripping Misamis Oriental is the handiwork of Mayor Emano apparently in an effort to unseat embattled Gov. Antonio Calingin.

Sandy claimed Manong Fred told him over the phone that he (Gapuz) "did not categorically say" that Emano is the brains behind the messy political situation in the province. (Manong Fred denies telling Sandy this.)

I wouldn't mind if Sandy merely broadcast a news story based on his supposed phone conversation with Gapuz. But he quickly, without second thoughts, labeled the story a lie.

Who are you, Sandy, to say that Nilo's story is a lie? Were you around when Nilo interviewed Manong Fred? Did you hear what the lawyer told the reporter? By saying his story was a lie, Sandy accused Nilo--and Gold Star--of lying. (Nilo, by the way, is standing by his story and Gold Star is standing by Nilo.)

It would be unfair to judge you simply because you had yourself appointed by the mayor as a member of the board of the Cagayan de Oro Water District (COWD). And it would be unfair to judge you simply because your appointment as a director entitles you to juicy benefits in the COWD.

But, Sandy, when your appointment is clearly influencing your reportage and commentary, when your debt of gratitude to a politician is obviously becoming your blinders, and when it is becoming obvious that you are slanting your news to please a group other than the general public, then it becomes an entirely different story.

I'm afraid your true color is showing, Sandy.

You are a godly man. You play gospel music on air all the time. And you are fond of quoting scripture--even preaching on air at times. Yet it is becoming obvious to your listeners that you are compromising your profession and work ethics.

No offense, Sandy, but your "Light" is no longer shining from where I am sitting. I think you owe your God an apology before you--and your station--completely loses credibility. It's not yet too late to right the wrong, Sandy.

You just can't be a preacher man when you have sold your soul to the Devil for 30 pieces of silver.
Repent, "Angel" Sandy, repent!


Bobong Pinoy
(December 8, 2003)

MY late father, a constable, told of a story of how an intoxicated mayor had a group of San Juan cops line up in one row so he could pee on them. What the police officers did to deserve to be treated like toilet bowls remains unclear to me to this day.

That's one of the many reasons why I didn't even think of wasting my vote on the man when he ran for President in 1998. Scoundrels or not, or whether or not the cops deserved the urine shots was never the issue to me two elections ago. Rather, the issue was breeding and the thought that this man, a former movie star and mayor who wanted to be President at that, was ill-bred. (Those who saw his brother doing a John Holmes--a much smaller version though, so they say--on tape would have an idea of the kind of breeding the siblings had.)

One of the privileges a columnist has is the license to make political predictions (minus the crystal ball, of course!). Sometimes, we are right in our "predictions". Sometimes, we are nearly right. And sometimes, we err. I was right though in early 1997 when I "predicted" in my column in the other paper that the man was going to win.

For lack of a better word, I am using "predicted". But it was not really a prediction given that common sense dictated that his 1998 victory was inevitable--thanks to the millions of bobong Pinoy who until now could not dissociate the silver screen from real life. This level of political immaturity is the reason why I, like the many political fence-sitters, had to concede that the man was going to win the presidency hands down.

(Excuse me for replacing the much abused word "masa" with bobong Pinoy; it's politically incorrect to attribute the man's 1998 victory to the masa because not all who come from the masses are bobo just as it is inaccurate to say that all those who belong the middle and elite classes are intelligent. But I guess it's safe to say that majority of the 1998 voters are bobo because if that wasn't the case, the fella wouldn't have become President.)

To the many bobong Pinoy at that time, he was the only presidentiable who did not sound, smell and look like a trapo although, truth is, he was--and still is. His Robin Hood image in the movies has somehow camouflaged his being a trapo. Proof to this is that despite his 2001 admission that he and Jose Velarde are one and the same, many of his bobong Pinoy followers are still saying that he is not. Can you believe that?

Now, his best friend, the Philippines' answer to John Wayne, is running. Hearing the news, I was flabbergasted. But, hey, it's his right--this is democracy!

True, the "best and the brightest" have failed to make this country a better place to live in. But what makes you think electing a President whose only qualification is his winnability would make any difference? What will he do when there's a problem arising from the Law of Supply and Demand? Ask Congress to repeal it? And if people start massing on Edsa, if people started marching to Malacanang, would he flee with his family via the Pasig River and then claim later that he merely took a leave of absence, thereby causing a legal problem that would divide the country and adversely affect the economy?

Point is, the presidency is no joke. And it definitely takes a lot more than common sense to run the affairs of a country.

Having good advisers would make a good president, so they say. That's exactly why politicians like Tito Sotto worked so hard to convince "Da King" to announce he would run for President next year. Can't you see? They want to become his advisers.

Sen. Sotto, for instance, is constitutionally barred from seeking another office term in the Senate. A seat in the Lower House or being governor or mayor would be a demotion. So becoming a Cabinet member or a presidential adviser isn't such a bad idea, is it?

It really depends on the definition of "good advisers". But if by "good advisers", they mean having the likes of Sotto, Ronaldo Zamora, Charlie "Atong" Ang or even Paquito Diaz in Malacanang, forget it.

If good advisers can make a good President, we might as well start electing presidential advisers. The problem with advisers is that if they are bright and their President is dumb, a country will have a puppet presidency.

Two elections ago, this country made a college dropout President. Next year, a high school dropout. In 2010, an elementary dropout?

There's a 50/50 chance, really, that Fernando Poe Jr. would make a good president. But there's also a 50/50 chance that he wouldn't. The only thing most of us are sure about--FPJ can sure make one hell of a blockbuster hit of a movie.

Now, if you are sure the country will be doomed if any of the other presidentiables makes it in 2004 and that all of them are rotten, then by all means, take the 50/50 chance. But if you think there are others who can do better, listen to your conscience. Do it for your country.
***
Like the many political soothsayers (imaginary or real), I was right when I made my 1997 "prediction" on who was going to win in the 1998 presidential derby. In that 1997 column, I also wrote, in jest, that the only one who can give Erap a run for his money was FPJ. It was meant as a joke and was not part of any political forecast. If by chance I unwittingly made a political forecast in that column about FPJ becoming President, I really hope I'll be proven wrong.

Now, here's another joke (or "prediction"): The only one who can beat FPJ is Sharon Cuneta.

Pastilan.


Big joke
(October 17, 2003)

FOR those who are still thinking that American democracy is the best, think again. I used to think that America should be the model, but that was centuries ago. With Arnold Schwarzenegger's election as the First Horseman of the Apocalypse, este, California governor, I'm glad I was enlightened and started singing to a different tune a long, long time ago.

America is no different from the Philippines. These days, one doesn't necessarily have to be brainy to become a governor. Going to the gym can be your stepping stone to staging a lovefest with the President inside his hotel suite and limousine shortly after your victory party.

I am not saying that Schwarzenegger has no brains. Of course not. But Big Arnie didn't have to use much of it in getting elected. Schwarzenegger is a classic case of how muscles can win one a top leadership position.

We, Filipinos, should stop making America as our model for democracy unless, of course, if we want to see someone as huge as Bonel Balingit in Malacanang. If a bad Austrian artist who's obsessed with pumping muscles can gather that kind of a rabid political following in an American state, why can't the Philippines have Balingit? Or why not the exact opposite--Mahal or Mura or Dagul? Given that American democracy is our model, yes, why not?

The cash-strapped California had to spend an estimated S67 million just to have Gray Davis "recalled". That much so Californians could pick Schwarzenegger among a list of candidates that included former child star Gary Coleman (who can act much, much better than The Terminator), Hustler magazine publisher Larry Flynt and porn star Mary Carey (who would have given Arnie a run for his money if Californians voted based on chest size).

Gray Davis, who's Grayer now, used to be the toast of the state of California. Thanks to Schwarzenegger, Davis is now a toast.

Says radio operator Kevin Napier: "Don't blame me--I voted for the porn star."
***
No wonder we had Edsa 2 and Edsa 3. It's because in the 1998 elections, many Filipinos were thinking of Ronald Reagan. (Need I say more?) It wouldn't come as a surprise to me then that in May next year, many will go to the election precincts with Arnold Schwarzenegger in mind. No wonder we have elected plenty of jokers in government. (No offense, Sen. Joker Arroyo.)

In Paranaque, people elected playboy basketball player turned comedian Joey Marquez. The joke there now is that people are complaining--"Sigaw ng mga taga Paranaque: Mabuti pa ang mayor namin may tulo, ang gripo namin walang tulo!"

In Misamis Oriental, Gov. Antonio Calingin is going from one remote village to another. He brings with him the capitol band and there, they would dance the otso-otso or do an Ogie Alcasid ballad. People there love the governor and they treat him like he's an actor or something.

Political platform? Later.

"Madame Ching", the governor's wife, appears bent on running for representative in the 1st District of Misamis Oriental whether or not she gets her husband and mayor son Rocky's go-ahead. She has told people, including media workers, at the capitol tennis court that she has the money. Yes, why not?

In Cagayan de Oro, people will be reelecting a likely unopposed Mayor Vicente Emano for sure. His "most notable accomplishments" during his 2nd office term:

-- tell President Arroyo "itaga mo sa bato, ako'y iyong iyo na";
-- make it appear that SM, Robinson's, etc. invested in the city because of him;
-- turn Divisoria into the biggest well-lighted toilet bowl in the city (I like the food there, make no mistake about it);
-- work on an over P600-million bridge and road project that damaged a precious heritage and archaeological site;
-- award a multimillion-peso public market renovation project to a company that wanted to mortgage the same property so it can raise enough capital; and
-- make the contractor UKC Builders Inc. richer this year.

It's because we have made America our model that Cagayan de Oro has elected, reelected and will be electing again a ridiculous joke of a mayor.

And if by chance action king Fernando Poe Jr. changes his mind and announces he'd run for President, let's not talk about the 2004 presidential elections anymore.

America is rich and can afford to waste some of its resources by having a few jokers in its government. The Philippines can't afford to be a copycat--a poor copycat at that--because we're broke. Frankly, I think the joke is on us.

Pastilan.

The Valencia compromise (September 29, 2003)

I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend, to the death, your right to say it.--Voltaire

SOME people in the University of Mindanao Broadcasting Network (UMBN) are A-holes. They gave up the fight for press freedom in Valencia City, Bukidnon, even before they could put up one.

How could some people in the news media allow themselves to be bullied by an unconstitutional closure order issued by a mayor who didn't even know what he was doing? But UMBN executives quickly developed cold feet--they chickened out! The result: a broadcaster whose only "fault" was to speak and give Valencia's people a voice is now a datum in the National Statistics Office's list of jobless Filipinos.

The mayor of Valencia, Jose Galario, must be happy now because the voice of the DxMV-Radyo Ukay broadcaster he hates has ceased to reverberate in his city's airwaves. All the enemies of press freedom should congratulate UMBN vice president Roland Raval for forging an "amicable settlement" with Galario in an apparent effort to appease the mayor.

The Washington Post was alone at first when it ran Carl Bernstein and Bob Woodward's stories on Watergate. The Post's competitors were not picking the story up and worst, the Bernstein-Woordward exposes were being outrightly denied and called rubbish by Washington.

Bernstein and Woodward stood by their stories. Ben Bradley and the other Post editors backed Bernstein and Woodward. And their publisher, Katharine Graham, became their cheerleader. To make the long story short, all of them became pivotal in the subsequent downfall of the Nixon presidency.

The Post fought a giant, perhaps the most powerful man on earth at that time. Which makes me wonder why a radio network such as UMBN could succumb that easily to an accidental and small-time mayor--I mean, to the tantrums of a former police major who acts and thinks like a "Cafgu" transported back to the days of the Gestapo.

I had expected Galario to, at least, display some sign of being an officer and a gentleman given his military/police background. I had thought he meant what he said when he apologized for his being "imperfect", for his being "human". That apology would have been accepted, he would have been forgiven; that apology would have ended the controversy for good. But as it turned out, Galario did not mean a word he said because as he was making that "apology", his lapdogs were organizing a rally to pressure UMBN to get rid of broadcaster Arlyn Ayon.

I don't know Ayon from Adam. I haven't even met her and I'm not aware of the issues or stories she had aired. But regardless of the cause she was fighting for inside DxMV's announcer's booth or whether we would agree with her or not, no one has the right to stop her from speaking her mind.

This is precisely what will happen when media owners start "negotiating" with politicians--press freedom and the people's interests will be set aside for awhile just to appease those who have the power to issue and revoke business permits. The day media owners start compromising is the day we will see and hear nothing but "praise release" journalism.

In the Valencia case, the UMBN-Galario "amicable settlement" cost Arlyn Ayon her job, sending this chilling message to that city's media: "Screw the mayor and he'll screw you back!"